Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
