There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
