Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
