Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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