What tipped you off? The sombrero?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
