I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
