what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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