Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
