While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
