Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
