So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
