i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
