youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
