It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
