ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I understand Curling. That high.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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