But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
