so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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