My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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