I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
