His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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