Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Everything about him screamed your future.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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