i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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