to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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