Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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