He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
