i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
