Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
