A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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