he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
