that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
