They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
