Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize