I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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