i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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