I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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