The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
