If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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