She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
now i know why i became what i already was.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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