I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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