i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
