Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
