I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
