You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
