I just threw up on my dentist
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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