i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
