Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
