I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
