i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
