All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
