I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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