Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Are we still banned from the library?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
