Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
