Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
