So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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