The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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