ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
handjob tips. give me some.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
