I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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