got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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