Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
