you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
