I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize