you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
