how can u be prego again
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
