I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
