I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
