Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
