I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize